Enmeshed, Enplatformed
To be a scrap of paper-pink confetti spiralling among celestial bodies! In this acetate-light afterlife, we are all choreographers. Our runway is a beacon, sex sirens luring their queerest sea. Gestural laws of opposites are now at play, presented for guilded eyes, pedestalled in judgement— rococo and lace walking our medlock esplanade. Tendons ripple as the beat drops:wait, this isn't the advanced solo?spins and dips are performed on a hairpin as fingers, jewelled, snap to Donna Summer. turn for me, let me look upon you in this light. House after house, they leave their lives on that stage: fantasy battles punctuated by a plummet to the floor, agate limbs on obsidian. the rumours are true: a universe is crystallised in these movements. Enmeshed, we are tartan/leather/latex village people. fan your concertina, your coral lashes— my eyelids are corsetted open. walk for me, my genderfuck cowgirl. We are fragmenting/refracting/reflecting each other. The Category is Columbo: glitter conspiracies have been solved tonight! We find the world's answers in our sitzbones, our limp wrists, in fingers traced along triceps and in stilettoed, platformed feet. I am prismed, I want to see everything of you. twirl for me, spin across our spectrum splay your fingers, curve your spine, hold your pose for me. We are instructed to keep this space and time as safe, hallowed. and for the first time in weeks, I venture out of my skull, into colour and beat.
This poem is, in some ways, an account of my experience attending a vogue ball for the first time— the event in question, House of Suarez’s Disco Ball, took place back in Febrary at the Contact theatre in Manchester.
If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of ballroom, this is an underground queer subculture that began in Harlem, NYC, and was at its most prominent in the 1980s. Ballroom emerged out of necessity for black and Latino queer people, who were often systematically excluded from drag pageants of the time— ballroom functions became an underground form of community pagentry for black and brown communities, and involved individuals and groups (or houses) “walking” in various categories of contest. These categories often revolve around runway looks, “realness” (where the contest is to present as authentically as possible to the theme of the category), and performance, which would involve dance styles such as voguing. Today, ballroom culture has a cross-continental reach— as you can well imagine given that the ball in question in Enmeshed took place in the North of England— but the origins and intrinsic culture of ballroom is still vitally important to any conversations around the artform and subculture.
This context is relevant to how I situate myself in the event I attended— I have been a follower of ballroom culture for some time, but I ultimately remain a guest in a space that was originated by black and brown queer people— but I did feel that being able to exist in the particular space and time of this ball came with an overwhelming feeling of belonging that was absolutely inspiring to write about. Currently, my favourite kind of writing comes in the moments where imagery comes into my head of its own accord in real time— and it’s a surefire sign that whatever spectacle I’m witnessing is having a substantial and powerful effect on me. The first line of the poem is a result of this.
I wanted this poem to be a space where a glorious overload of colour, texture, music, sound, shape, gesture is showcased. As much as I advocate for poetry and the written word, I don’t think that such an event of community multimedia can ever be fully represented on the page, but my aim in writing was to communicate the richness of all these elements to as much of a degree as possible. The language of ballroom was very important in this writing— categories that featured on the night such as fantasy, advanced solo, and sex siren have found their way into the piece. Obviously in writing this commentary I’m making the context of this poem publicly known, but if you consider the wording of the poem itself, it was important to me that the poem never fully states that it’s about a ballroom function. Like so many aspects of queer identity, there’s an element of implicit identity sharing going on in the poem’s content that means that only the girls who know, know.
I also wanted to experiment with multiple narratives or duologues in this piece— in addition to the sensorily descriptive elements of the poem, there are italicised sections containing instructions similar that of which a MC might freestyle to a ball’s contestants: walk for me, twirl for me, hold your pose for me, etc. There is a purposeful lyricism to these lines, and a dual meaning here— not only does this represent ballroom directions, but to me these lines intentionally take on the qualities of a love poem. Ultimately, these italicised moments indicate a relationship, although what this relationship may represent is as much your decision as it is mine. Maybe it’s a relationship between an MC and a performer; between those walking on stage and their enraptured audience members; or perhaps this poem presents a semblance of queer love and sex, in whatever form this may take. I like to think there’s space for Enmeshed to contain all of the above, but ultimately whatever resonates with you holds firm here.
I should add that in the months since attending this ball and writing this poem, I travelled to New York and went to a ball in Brooklyn— paying homage to the origins of ballroom in NYC felt like a pilgrimage of sorts, and I feel like I’m yet to fully explore how my perspective of ballroom and this subculture has changed since attending functions beyond the North of England. I’m potentially envisioning a companion poem to Enmeshed, Enplatformed that expands on this idea— in which case, watch this space.
As an additonal note: after some slightly insane life events in the last few of months (will these find their way into my poems? Maybe), my uploading schedule on here has been at more than a little disrupted. I’m hoping to reach some new sense of regularity here soon— I’m really enjoying sharing this poetry and writing about it, and this will continue even if there’s a little longer a wait until I’m back. Until then:
Be well, and see you on the page.
🌺